My first self-evaluation for my job is due this Friday. The email from my supervisor was sitting in my inbox last Thursday morning and, before I even opened it, I started to feel nervous and unsure of myself. Have I been doing my best? How can I improve? All negative, self-deprecating thoughts. Once I clicked on the evaluation and saw how it is laid out, I felt much more confident. It is a series of specific questions and ways to rate my performance in various areas of my job. And specific, I can do. As I’m sure many of you can tell from my previous posts on this blog, I sometimes suffer from lack of confidence. I think part of that is because I’m still fairly new to the working world and to this job, but I also think another part of it is because that’s just the way I’m wired. I’ve always had to fight with myself to let myself shine, even a little bit. It’s still something that I struggle with every day.

This self-evaluation, like I said, is not as bad as I first thought it would be. This time last year, my performance was reviewed by my supervisor and my manager, since I still was not yet here for a year. I remember waiting for that evaluation meeting and feeling slightly terrified–I didn’t want to have to face all the mistakes I had made since I started work here. I also remember leaving the meeting and feeling great. They didn’t drag me through the mud, not at all–they pointed out where I did things right and, when I had made a mistake, they gave me guided instructions so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. And they did this all in a very constructive way. Job evaluations are supposed to be professional. They are used so that you and management are all on the same page in regards to the work that is expected of you and the work that you are actually doing. They are meant to help get those two things as close together as possible.

This time around I’m going to take an hour or two to fill out my self-evaluation. I’m going to really think about how I’ve grown since I first started here a year and four months ago and what steps I’ve taken to do so. I’m also going to think about the areas in which I still can improve, because I know I can sit back and objectively look at my performance. It’s nothing to be afraid of and I’m going to stop scaring myself with the voices I sometimes allow to run rampant in my head. This is an opportunity for me to show management what I have done and what I can still do, and a chance to improve myself for the future. Let’s do it!