Archives for posts with tag: ambition

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before on the blog or not, but I play softball once a week or so after work. When I left my job last year, they asked me to come back and play so I said, why not? It’s been so much fun and a great way to unwind after work, not to mention that it keeps me in touch with friends from that office and keeps my name out there. Let’s call it unofficial networking :). Anyway, we had a game last night in the sweltering heat and, though we had a lot of fun and started the game out strong, in the end we lost. It was pretty disappointing, especially because I’m the pitcher and I walked two people during a crucial inning.

I’m the type of person that beats myself up inside when I make errors both at work and outside of work, as you all probably know by now! So, of course, last night I dwelt on my particularly bad inning with gusto, but then it dawned on me: this is not the end of the world! I know, shocking, right? I came to that conclusion all on my own, when usually I depend on a close friend or family member to say the words to me a few times before I believe them. I take that as a good sign! I’m improving.

I know I can be overly hard on myself, as I’m sure many people are (“You’re your own worst critic” and all that…), and it can sometimes be a while before I pull myself out of a funk. To me, my actions both at work and in my personal life are a direct reflection on me and my self-confidence. I want to be a person of integrity and I do believe I already am that person, but when I fail to deliver what I think I should, I go over and over that action in my mind to examine all the ways I went wrong. This can be a good thing because in some ways this makes me more introspective and it strengthens my self-image; in other ways, it can be a little destructive if my thoughts turn negative.

There is always room for self-review and self-criticism. I think it has made me wiser and overall a better person because it forces me to think about my choices and my reasons for making them. It’s when those thoughts start to drown out any positive outcomes that I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my thinking.

Introspection
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Well, this week has been insane. I’m finally getting another assignment at work and I have been in and out of meetings. Also, my freelance job is picking up a bit and I have been so distracted that I actually forgot to post here earlier in the week! I apologize to all the readers of this lovely blog for my neglect!

One of the aspects of starting something new at my job is introducing myself to and working with a different editorial office. I have to learn and adapt to the way they do things, and that can be difficult after working on the same publication for almost a year. It requires getting to know the new journal and the different people within my company who make things work. It requires patience from everyone. It requires resilience, as well.

It’s almost too easy to get down on myself when I’m feeling discouraged, overworked, and tired. It’s a challenge to pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue going when I feel like just giving up. Sometimes, all I want to do is come home after work and go to bed right away. Sometimes I don’t want to face my other responsibilities and obligations. Then, I talk to my co-workers, friends, and family and realize that I’m not alone. Everybody has these feelings. Everybody feels inadequate and run-down from time to time. The only thing that matters is that I don’t give in to those feelings and give up. I want to keep going and succeed.

Luckily, I’m going to the shore for the weekend with my family to unwind. I think it’s a much needed vacation, am I right?

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My move-in was successful :). It’s SO nice to finally be able to say that after all the months of stressing and worrying about the whole process. I’ve officially been in my apartment for almost 10 days now and I have a confession to make: I’m not really completely unpacked yet. I know, I know–crazy, right? The truth is, I’ve been doing little things here and there such as taking a few hours to organize the kitchen, put away my winter clothes, and decide how I want to decorate my place. Oh, and I put my books away in my tiny bookshelf–so that’s something! Honestly, I think I’m taking Angela’s advice from two weeks ago to heart and I’m not stressing out about getting everything put in its place right away. I’m really enjoying this part of my life–I’m working hard at my job and I’m getting to know my new place, as well as getting to know myself in a place that’s all mine.

In order to make sure that I do eventually unpack, I’ve tried to make some loose lists to organize myself, such as what will go in my bedroom, living room, bathroom, etc. I have a one bedroom apartment but it came with an “extra room” that is too small to be a bedroom, but is still pretty awesome for an office or a “library” ;). How do I want to fix it up? Do I need to make that decision right away? Absolutely not! It’s fun thinking of all the possibilities.

I’m going to spend my day at work productively (I can feel it!) then I’m going to go home and maybe do a bit more unpacking. If I get frustrated, bored, tired, or feel anything but excited to be doing what I’m doing, I’ll stop. I’m allowing myself to take some time and do things slowly. It’s really paying off–I’ve been reading, writing, and talking to friends and family a lot more these past 10 days. I don’t feel weighed down and stressed about anything; who wouldn’t want to keep things the way they are?

Do you have any moving/unpacking stories? How did you keep a handle on the stress of it all?

relaxing polar bear
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This is the year of change for me–tonight I will be signing the lease to my very own one bedroom apartment! I can’t believe it! I never thought I would be able to afford to live on my own, but with this new job and some strategic saving on my part, I’m able to do it.

When I first started looking for a place, nothing was popping up in the areas where I really wanted to live. I work in the city but I am most definitely not a city girl; even if I have a commute, I’d rather live outside the busy city center. Also, any apartment complexes I looked at turned me off–they could raise your rent at any time and some of them advertised a different rent than what you got when you sat down with them. I didn’t like that. I began to get discouraged–maybe I would never find a place, or maybe I had to lower my expectations. Well, let me tell you, don’t do that. I found a listing in the neighborhood where I grew up for under my budget. It looked perfect! I went to see it and WOW was I surprised. Let’s just say, there were no pictures online for a reason. After that bad experience, I gave up searching for a couple weeks. I decided that maybe I would move back home with my parents (which would create a horrific 2-hours-both-ways commute all over again).

Finally, one day at work while I was eating my lunch, I decided to take one last browse through some of my choice neighborhoods to see if anything new had come up. Well, wouldn’t you know it, I found a listing right away. There were plenty of pictures and it looked adorable. I called the number on the listing immediately and scheduled a showing. When I pulled up to the house (it’s a duplex and I’ll be living on the top floor), I just died–it was adorable and the neighborhood was gorgeous. The landlady is extremely nice and she made it clear that she wants someone nice, quiet, and respectful to move in. Once she brought me (and my sister, who I brought along for the ride) upstairs to see the actual apartment, I absolutely fell in love. As I walked around looking and asking questions, my sister kept muttering “Take this place. Take it. If you don’t take it, I’ll take it.” I think I knew the second I stepped in the door that I wanted this place.

I never would have found my new apartment if I hadn’t continued looking. I was about to give up completely and I would have missed this! And I probably would have moved home over the winter and sure, I would have been able to save money, but this apartment is too good to pass up. Don’t give up! I know that’s cliche and overused, but really, don’t. You want a new career? Go for it. Do whatever you can to achieve that. What about a new car? A new lifestyle? Do it! You are empowered. It took me a long time to realize that I am a powerful person and I am the catalyst for change in my own life. Take it from someone who has had a tumultuous last two or three years–you will get what you want if you do. Don’t think or try, do.

in action
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